so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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