Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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