Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
