I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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