Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
