the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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