You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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