I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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