well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
