just tell him i said nine months
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
