my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
