she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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