shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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