Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
