Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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