Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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