i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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