Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
