Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
