I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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