I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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