I cut my penus on the lid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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