Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
