I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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