Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
