Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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