i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
