i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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