FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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