apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
