I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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