Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
