# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
