babies were throwing up all over the place
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
