I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well you can't waste a boner
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
