Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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