I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
