ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
