I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
