don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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