My hand turned me down
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
