Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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