speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My cat gives me a boner
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
