Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize