Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
