We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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