Me. At least after what I've been through.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
