when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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