no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
