Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
