Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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