Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
