OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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