I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
