So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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