Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
