apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
