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Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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