my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
