Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
