OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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