I will die if light touches me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
