I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
