It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize