there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
