Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
