i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
40s are totally the cure
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're too hungover to prance.
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