i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
