yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
