why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
