So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
