shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
